Let Go

Last Friday I had to go to the office for a meeting on a day when the public school was closed. So I asked my 17-year-old Michelle to watch her 6-year-old brother. It was the first time Michelle had to babysit Jake for a whole day. Thursday night Jake and I were reading “Scaredy Squirrel has a Birthday Party” and it gave me an idea.

“Jake, how about we make a schedule for tomorrow like how Scaredy Squirrel planned his birthday party?”
“Okay. That’s sounds like a great idea!”

I see stirking similarities between Jake and Scaredy Squirrel: risk aversion, rigorous planner and left brain dominance. Together Jake and I made a schedule for the next day from 7 am to 5 pm. I told him if Michelle put a check next to each item on the schedule, he’d have earned enough points for the transformer he had been waiting for. For the rest of the evening Jake wouldn’t let go of that piece of paper and he went to sleep with it.

Joe called me Friday morning on his way to work, “Jake was so funny …”
“Why?”
“The schedule says ‘workbooks from 8:30 – 9:00 am’. He finished at 8:45 and was kind of lost. So he was running in circles around the coffee table, declaring he’d relax for 15 minutes.”

I got home at 5 pm. Jake greeted me at the door with the schedule in his hand. “Michelle checked off everything. Can we go get the transformer?”
I kept my word and we went to Target. Unfortunately they didn’t have that particular transformer.
After some struggling, Jake decided to go with a different one.
“Are you sure, Jake? I know you still want the other one, but by choosing this, you’ll have to wait again for the transformer you actually want. We can go to Toys R Us or order it online, you know.”
“Can we go to Toys R Us now?”
“No, tomorrow. We’ll have to go home for dinner.”
Jake decided not to wait.

Saturday afternoon we drove by Toys R Us and Jake asked to go in ‘just to look’. Sure enough, they had the transformer Target didn’t. We reminded Jake that he’d have to earn enough points to buy that. Jake was disappointed but didn’t regard it as unfair.

I asked Joe to make a quick stop at Nordstrom Rack.
“Mommy, I didn’t buy anything and so you can’t buy anything either.”
“I haven’t been there for a long time. Just want to take a look. Not sure if I’d buy anything.”
Jake fell asleep in the car and so I went in the store by myself. At the checkout line, I saw Joe coming in with Jake. When Jake noticed that I had a few things in my hand, his facial expression changed.

Jake was quiet in the car and immediately went to his room after we got home. Fifteen minutes later he came down and handed me a note that said “Dear mom, you weren’t fair because you bought like five things when I bought 1. Love, Jacob.”

I thought it was funny. I showed the note to Joe and we both laughed. But I understood that in Jake’s little mind, it was pure injustice. It must have been very hard for him to walk away from the transformer at Toys R Us. So I went to his room and we talked. I validated his emotions and told him that I was very proud of the way he expressed his feelings in a calm and loving way. I explained to Jake that our goal was to teach him to work for things that he desired and that good things in life were worth waiting for. Jake felt better after our little chat.

The next morning Jake ran to our room 7:00 am like he always does holding his blankie and all the stuffed animals that sleep with him every night, muttering happily “Mushy mommy, mushy mommy” while climbing into our bed. After our usual cuddling and tickling, I asked him, “Jake, you still mad at me for buying things at Nordstrom Rack?”
“I don’t know …”
“Tell me who makes money in this house, you or me?”
He pointed his little finger at me.
“So do I need your approval to buy things?” With that, I tickled him suddenly.
“No, you d-d-don’t.” Jake rolled in bed, roaring with laughter.