Humans have the innate ability to feel how other people feel and to read the mind of others. Neuroscientists have discovered specialized cells in the brain, called mirror neurons, that spontaneously create brain-to-brain links between people. I cut myself the other day and ended up with a very bloody thumb. Jake saw the pain on my face, came over and rubbed my other hand gently and continuously. His mirror neurons were activated which allowed him to dial into, link-up, and reflect — within his own heart and mind — the thoughts and feelings of others, and in this case his own mother. His automatic and immediate reaction was to offer comfort and help.
Another brain region above and behind your right ear called Right Temporoparietal Junction (RTPJ) enables us to think about other people’s thoughts. Most adults are pretty good at reading others’ mind, but it takes children a long time to break into the system. MIT researcher Rebecca Saxe conducted a false belief test with a 3, 5 and 7 year old. She told each of them the same story. A pirate was going to have a cheeseburger for lunch. Then he remembered he needed a drink. He placed the cheeseburger on the treasure chest to get a drink. The wind blew his lunch to the ground. Then a second pirate came and repeated what his friend did. So now when the first pirate came back, which cheeseburger would he take for lunch? The one on the chest or the one on the ground? The 3-year-old answered the one on the ground. Both the 5 and 7 year old thought otherwise. When asked to pass moral judgment, both the 3 and 5 year old believed the first pirate was mean to take another person’s lunch because he didn’t want his own that got dirty. The 7-year-old said, “The wind should be in trouble!” Clearly a 7-year-old is able to think about others’ thoughts more like an adult. So next time when your young kid gets mad because you ‘laughed at” something he did or said, you’ll know it’s because his RTPJ is still under construction. As a matter of fact, the development continues throughout the adolescent years.
If our brain is built to instinctively and effortlessly put ourselves in shoes of the person we are observing and thinking about, and to enter his or her mind, then why aren’t we more compassionate towards one another?
Princeton Theological Seminary did an experiment with a group of divinity students. Half of the group was asked to prepare a sermon on the Good Samaritan and the other half was given random topics. Then one by one they were called to go to another building to give the sermon. As they went from one building to the other, they all saw a man bending over moaning, obviously in need of help. None of the students stopped. It turned out whether or not a person would demonstrate compassion to another depended on how much of a hurry he thought he was in and how absorbed he was with the sermon he was going to deliver, even though he was contemplating the act of a Good Samaritan.
Pre-occupation and self-absorption are the enemies to compassion. So make it a habit to put away the laptop, turn off the cell phone or TV for a period of time everyday to feel the pulse of your family. Every once in a while, stop multitasking and focus on the other person either at work, in a social gathering or on the bus when the person sitting next to you wanted to start a conversation. Next time you see posts from a friend about her outstanding and wonderful children for the fifth time in a day, instead of snickering, “She is showing off again”, allow yourself to feel her pride and happiness. After all, as mothers, we should be able to relate to one another more easily. When you make a donation to charity, rather than use it as an opportunity to boost your own ego and happiness, focus on the people who will benefit from your giving.
Our brain is malleable and therefore can be trained to be more compassionate. It’s up to us to bring the best out of the human nature.