Have you ever seen a kid who is sitting at the desk supposedly doing her homework, but obviously she’d rather do anything else other than the task at hand?  She’d look around, chew on her pencil, ask you irrelevant questions, go to bathroom again and again or need another drink.  That’s called procrastination.

Why do kids procrastinate?  The question should be why we all procrastinate.  Do you remember the last time when you postpone that phone call you have to make to your doctor or delay cleaning up your basement that has become so cluttered?  We postpone because of lack of motivation.  We are not looking forward to finding out what might be wrong with our health and it’s definitely not fun to straighten up a messy basement.

Kids procrastinate for the exact same reason, only their procrastination is more noticeable because they are under the daily scrutiny of their teachers and parents.   If they fail to hand in the paper by the due date, they will get a zero on the assignment.  If they wait till the last minute to study for a test, their grade will show poor effort.

Motivation is literally the desire to do things.  It’s the difference between getting up early in the morning to hit the gym and lying around all day in front of the TV.  So how do we help our kids become more motivated?  The answer is you have to train them preferably at a very young age.

The following tactics will kill a young child’s motivation for sure:

1)     Overload your children with all kinds of activities regardless of their interests.  Just because your neighbor’s little boy is doing tennis, you have to sign your son up too.  Soon he is booked every day of the week.  After a while, he is doing everything just to please you.  Or he may complain or openly protest that he hates tennis, but you drag him along anyway.

2)      You are too readily available and too eager to help and thus rob your children of the opportunities to figure things out on their own and a sense of accomplishment that comes afterwards.

3)     Always criticize your children’s work which makes them feel no matter how hard they try, they will never be good enough.

4)     Contrary to 3), allow your children to set the bar too low for themselves.

The positive opposite of the motivation killers are as follows:

1)     Allow your children enough downtime to explore and develop their own interests.

2)     You may expose your children to a variety of activities but keep an eye on what they really like.  Don’t force them to do anything that they have no interest in or talent for.  But if they tell you they want to quit something they are actually quite good at, establish positive association.  For example let them choose a healthy snack from the vending machine before the tennis class.  So they will associate tennis with a pleasant experience of choosing and enjoying a good snack.  It works particularly well with younger kids.

3)     As your children get older, train them to work independently without your direct supervision.

My six year old son Jake and I spend an hour together in his room everyday after dinner to read to each other and for me to help him with his workbooks.  About a year ago, I started asking Jake to work independently during the day if we had something going on at night.  He frequently chooses to go to his room and lock the door so that ‘he won’t get distracted’.  I’ve been reading my books in his room because he loves my company when he tackles the workbooks in the evening after our book reading to each other.   I tell him I am there if he needs any help but I also enjoy quiet reading.   So if he can solve the problems on his own, it’ll be a great help to me.

4)     Always praise your children’s effort instead of how smart they are.  Being smart can only take them thus far if they are not willing to work hard.

5)     Encourage your children to aim high by making yourself a role model.  Don’t give up your own dreams and goals because you no longer have any free time.  When your kids see their parents thrive and happy, they are more likely to follow suit.

When my oldest daughter Jane was in grade school, she told me frequently “because you didn’t tell me to” when I asked her if she had done the work she was supposed to do.  She was doing everything to get me off her back and thus had no internal motivation.  My younger daughter Michelle cared a lot more about her grades and worked much harder although she often claimed that she hated school.  The fact that Michelle did so well academically makes me wonder what it could be like if she actually liked school a little.

So with Jake, Joe and I are extra careful to nurture his curiosity and motivation instead of destroying it.  Jake doesn’t think he likes school that much, but he loves to learn and challenge his brain.  Everyday we try to make an association between his hard work and the progress he has made.  It brings assurance, confidence and pride to his little heart and keeps him motivated.